Sucks big donkey nuts

Today sucks big donkey nuts. Why? Cause my 27-year old cousin, mother to an almost 3 year old daughter and wife to a doting husband, is likely not going to make it. CJ took a turn for the worst last night and is on a vent and filling with fluid. Brain scan shows lots of white area which means 'dead brain' and she has no active brain waves. They are doing a series of tests tomorrow to determine whether or not she'll come back or if this is permanent and they need to say goodbye. I'm physically ill over this. I was so positive last week because she was showing huge signs of improvement and had a couple hours of lucidity.

Because I felt so positive last week, I made a point to be positive about everything and to find the positive in every person/event regardless of how awful or negative. I felt great!! Everything was so much more clear and I was much happier and didn't feel so sluggish. Today, I can't look beyond the negative.

This sliver of positive in this whole awful event....CJ is an organ donor. Her family is aware of JC's need for a kidney. If CJ has the same blood type as JC, JC has first rights to CJ's kidney. It's WAY to bittersweet and all three of us Girlz are having a really hard time with this. This is not how we wanted this all to happen. JB was gonna donate and I was going to be the backup for the far distant future.

I know God works in mysterious ways, but I am having a hard time with it. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason regardless of the situation, but she didn't have a hateful bone in her body. I don't understand. Maybe God has another agenda for her, but what about her husband and tot? I will ask God to keep them close and help them through this awfulness.

I can't seem to keep the tears from coming when I think of her, see her FB page and her farm as my Farmville neighbor. We really only started to reconnect this past year. First on FB and then in July at J's 10 year memorial. She will be greatly missed by all.

Quickie

Well, testing at Mayo all went well. JB needs to have a colonoscopy and a CAT scan. They found something in her colon and wanted to have it fully checked out before moving forward.

And there is a highly likelihood that they won't approve her as a donor. Her creatinine clearance is on the low end. Based on the formula they use, if she donates, she could be in kidney failure at 60 years of age and need a transplant herself. There are many factors involved in the amount of creatine your body puts out and it's possible this may fix itself over time.

I'm bummed because a blog I follow during the week was shut down to invite only at some point over the weekend. I only followed and very rarely posted. I had so much time vested in reading and truly held a few of those great ladies in very high regard. Late last week some not very nice things were said and some ladies stepped away for a bit. I can understand that and it made me realize that some people can just be plain hateful while others can have so much compassion for others they only know virtually. I thought it a bit odd that while the owner of the blog stated that this was different in that anyone could say whatever and there weren't any repercussions. Seems her tune has been changed. OR someone hacked into her blog, set it to invite only and she's not aware of it. (TINA - if you are reading, can you email me at kimberelym@yahoo.com and let me know what's going on)

My 27 yr old cousin had a heart attack on Friday. Her daughter is Chunky's age. Almost 3. It's truly a miracle that she's come back almost completely whole. She has a pinhead size bit of brain damage, which can be fixed through surgery if needed and has some damage to her heart. She will have to have a defibulator put in before she leaves the hospital, but they expect her to make a full recovery.

Otherwise all is right in my world. Work is busy. Kids are finally cold free. Soldier signed me up to do a 5k on Thanksgiving morning. Not sure how I'm gonna pull that off, but I'm gonna try.